we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize