"it" just moved
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
