the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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