OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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