Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
