we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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