i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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