I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
