Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
