She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
