I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
