blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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