I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
