i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
