He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
