Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
