If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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