All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
