Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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