you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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