i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
