Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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