1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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