i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
