dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
