I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
