Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
