I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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