Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
