I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
