Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
