will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
