i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
