Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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