just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
