im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
