i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
