Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
