Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
