2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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