Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
