the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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