The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
