drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
