he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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