don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
