I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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