Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
