I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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