I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Boobs are out for the taking
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
