will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
