I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
