my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
