i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
