Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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